The darkness inside him
by YoukaiNemisis
Summary: You know it and I know it - Ukoku and Koumyo were more than just 'friends'.


**Author's note: These may be a little out of character, but this is the way I see them, OK? =D My very first Saiyuki fanfic. This contains spoilers from _Saiyuki Reload_, so if you have no clue what's going on, don't blame me. On with the show! - **_Youkai Nemisis_

Koumyo Sanzo pressed his slender fingers together in front of his chest and bowed slightly, his ever present smile making his brown eyes shine. "Welcome, my friend," he said simply. "Would you care for some tea?" The man he addressed duplicated his motions, his dark hair swinging forward to obscure his face for a moment. When he straightened, the dark eyes behind the glasses were gleaming too, but his face was sombre.

"Thank you, my friend, that would be most... pleasant." The strangers' white robes, which were almost duplicates of the ones Koumyo wore, down to the parchment draped about his shoulders, rustled as he passed his long fingered hands across them, flicking off imaginary dirt. "The weather was lovely, but the trail dusty and long." Koumyo beckoned, and the pair fell in to step with each other, heading down the elegant halls of Kinzan temple.

The resident Sanzo murmured a comment to a waiting monk, who bowed and hastened off in the direction of the kitchens. Both he and the younger man did not say another word until they had passed into Koumyo's private study, and the instant the door swung closed both men turned to each other. For a moment, neither one spoke or moved, then slowly Koumyo raised his hand and lifted it to trace the other's cheek. "You are well, Ukoku?" he asked.

The dark eyed man, Ukoku Sanzo, closed his eyes and leaned into Koumyo's slender fingers. "I am better now that I am here." Koumyo Sanzo took Ukoku's hand in his and lead him to the cushions piled before the low desk. He gently pushed the other man down, and slid gracefully into a cross legged position facing Ukoku. At no point did he let go of Ukoku's fingers.

"Tell me," he said simply. Ukoku's eyes were black and stormy as they met Koumyo's gentle brown ones. Several times he parted his lips to speak, seeming to reconsider each time. Finally he sighed gustily and squeezed the other Sanzo's fingers.

"No," Ukoku said, shaking his head. "I won't spoil the time we have with it." His free hand plunged into his sleeve and withdrew a packet of cigarettes. Tapping one out, he added, "We don't get enough time as it is." Koumyo released the other man's hand as the cigarette was lit, and frowned as the white smoke drifted towards the ceiling. He opened his own mouth, but stopped when Ukoku shook his head again. "No," he repeated. A more genuine smile curved his lips as he took another drag. "Tell me what has been happening here in Kinzan since my last visit. How is that student of yours?"

Koumyo's answer was forestalled by the opening door and the monk entering with a laden tray. The monk frowned to see the cigarette, but he said nothing, merely putting the tray on the desk and turning to leave. Koumyo thanked his retreating back, but Ukoku began to laugh as the door closed. "Honestly, Koumyo, how do you put up with these people? I would have thought you'd wither up and die under their shrivelling stares!" With a straight back and graceful motions, Koumyo Sanzo poured the tea and passed his visitor a cup.

"We have an arrangement. I smoke outside where no one can see me and they leave me alone." He hooded his eyes for a moment, looking into the depths of his cup, and grinned as he added, "It's just that you make them _so_ uncomfortable." Ukoku sipped his tea.

"Do I now?" he asked thoughtfully, a playful smile on his lips and the sparkle back in his eyes. He obviously found the prospect very pleasant. "And you? Do I make you uncomfortable, Koumyo?"

Koumyo met Ukoku's eyes and answered with the honesty their relationship was founded on. "Yes, my friend, sometimes you do." Koumyo smiled suddenly. "And at times that is a good thing."

Ukoku's reaction startled Koumyo. The younger Sanzo's hand trembled for just a moment, and his playful smile faded. The sparkle faded, leaving his eyes dark and empty and troubled. And just as suddenly, the smile and the gleam were back, leaving Koumyo in no doubt that something was very wrong with his friend.

"Well, now," Ukoku drawled, shifting on his cushions. He cast his glance around the room, and Koumyo sighed and put down his cup.

"I'll get you an ashtray," he said, rising to his feet in one smooth motion. He stepped outside the door and looked around. There was a knot of whispering monks a few yards down the hallway, and as he stepped towards them their whispering ceased.

"Priest Sanzo?" one of them asked in an anxious to please manner.

"I need something that can be used as an ashtray. Would you see to it, please?" The monk bobbed a bow and took off down the hall, leaving the Sanzo smiling and shaking his head. It's always that way, he mused as he turned. Half of them are in awe of you. As his eyes fell on the remaining monks, he added to himself, _and the rest of them are jealous of you._ He had caught a few words whilst making his request of the helpful monk. They were disparaging Ukoku, referring to him as 'the renegade', and "the heretic". It was true, but it didn't make it any more polite, or something those who called themselves monks should say. His thoughts turned darker, and he was tempted to speak to the gossips, but he was interrupted by the sound of sandals slapping on stone.

Panting was heard coming back along the corridor, and then the monk was back, waving a small, chipped plate. The resident Sanzo thanked him, and forced himself to ignore the looks aimed at his back as he returned to his rooms. "They found-" he began, then stopped dead. Ukoku was sitting, dazed, holding a sheet of paper containing a few lines in Koumyo's neat, elegant writing. "Oh," he said, closing the door and crossing the room to the cushions. Sinking down, he arranged himself and placed the plate at Ukoku's elbow. "I should have tidied that away before you arrived. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable." A little nervous himself, he fumbled with a box on the desk and produced his pipe and tobacco.

A pair of haiku were written on the paper. The first read:

_Onyx eyes gleaming down_

_Desires path leads into your arms_

_Will you set me free?_

The second,

_Careless thoughts bring joy_

_Hold me, darkly dreaming love_

_But can I save you?_

Ukoku seemed to recover himself and stubbed his cigarette out on the plate. A silence built between them, one Koumyo filled with preparing his pipe and lighting it. As more smoke ascended to the ceiling, Ukoku finally spoke. "I never knew you were a poet." Koumyo waved a slender hand in denial.

"I dabble occasionally, that's all. When the mood strikes me." He drew on his pipe again and blew a smoke ring at the roof.

"Onyx eyes gleaming down, huh?" Ukoku's grin was infectious. "Can I assume those are my eyes?" Koumyo gave a nod, trying for dignity and feeling that he fell well short.

"I was thinking about your visit and scribbled a few lines. Don't let it go to your head." In a single, blindingly fast movement, Ukoku shifted until their knees were almost touching and his face was close to Koumyo's.

"But how can I not?" he purred. Unsurprised, Koumyo blew smoke in Ukoku's face. The other man laughed, and gently lifted the crown and cloth from Koumyo's hair. He slid around behind Koumyo and with expert fingers began to untie the braid that bound Koumyo's light hair. When that was done, Ukoku began a slow massage, unerringly seeking out and eliminating knots of tension Koumyo didn't even know he had. "Tell me, my friend," Ukoku murmured, continuing his stroking. "What were you going to save me from?" Koumyo shook his head and sighed. He reached back and grasped one of the other's hands, holding it to his shoulder. He closed his eyes and rested his cheek against the younger man's soft skin, and for the first time, he lied to Ukoku.

"I was hoping to save you for myself." Ukoku laughed again, sliding his fingers into Koumyo's hair. He gently tugged until Koumyo was facing him.

"I'm all yours." He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Koumyo's, softly at first, then with growing pressure. Their lips parted and their tongues danced as their hearts began to beat faster. The kiss broke when Ukoku pulled Koumyo into his lap and stroked the long unbound hair. His fingers slid down to brush the scripture Koumyo wore, and to his surprise the other man sat up and moved away. Koumyo removed his scripture himself, rolling it up and tossing it onto the desk. Ukoku though his movements seemed almost angry, until Koumyo rose and stood over him. With one smooth movement Koumyo peeled off his over robe, revealing the skin tight black garb beneath. He paused, allowing Ukoku to run his gaze over the swell of his chest, his slender hips, the bulge forming at his groin. He held out one hand to Ukoku, and spoke only one word.

"Come." Ukoku Sanzo went, leaving his robes and scripture in an untidy heap on the floor behind him. He allowed Koumyo to lead him into the spartan sleeping area, where he stopped and pulled the other man into his arms. They just held each other for a moment, breathing in each other's familiar scent. Then their mouths met, sending them sliding down into hot, dark desire.

Koumyo only held on to pieces of their lovemaking that night. He remembered being on his knees before Ukoku, one hand full of his lover's erection, the other holding his own, and Ukoku's spine bowing with the force of his orgasm. Ukoku's lips wrapped around his member as he sucked, hard, while Koumyo brought him again by hand. Being buried in Ukoku as he flexed his hips and listened to wanton moans and cries of pleasure. The rest of it was lost in the white hot pain of knowing this would be the last time.

Afterward, for a while they simply lay still, Ukoku draped across Koumyo's chest. Koumyo stroked the dark hair that spilled across the white, smooth skin as he stared at the ceiling. "What would you do if we ever found ourselves on different sides of... a question?" he asked Ukoku softly. He felt the sweep of lashes against his skin as Ukoku blinked. After a pause, the black haired man answered.

"I honestly do not know." One of Ukoku's hands began to trace lazy, idle circles on his chest, and Koumyo was surprised to feel the sting of tears gather in his eyes.

"If that ever did happen, can you promise me something? Will you strive to see my point of view, even as I will always strive to see yours?" Ukoku lifted his head and gazed at Koumyo Sanzo, a frown marring his features.

"What-?"

"Promise me." Koumyo placed his hands on Ukoku's forearms and matched his stare, gripping the other man tight. Finally Ukoku sighed and answered.

"Since its so important to you, I promise," he sighed. He lowered his head again, and Koumyo returned to stroking the spill of blackness that rested once more upon his chest.

"Good," Koumyo said softly. "Then no matter what happens, we can always forgive each other."

**Two weeks later**

Ukoku slammed his fist down onto the thick steel tabletop, teeth bared in a snarl, causing Doctor Hwang to jump and almost drop her clip board.

"Doctor Ni!" she gasped, clutching the board to her chest, her eyes huge with shock. "I thought you'd be happy, knowing the Seiten scripture is in our hands!" In a breath's worth of time, Ukoku gathered himself together and put his mask back into place.

"Of course I am," he purred. "I'm just a little upset that Lady Gyokumen Koushu neglected to tell me the operation was scheduled for this week." He gave a little shrug and tightened his grip on Bunny. "Ah well. It is a lady's prerogative to be mysterious." He turned a leering smile on Hwang, and was rewarded by her spine stiffening. Ukoku rested a hip on the table, conveniently blocking Hwang's view of the table he'd just punched. "Now we just need the lady to share the scripture with us."

"Ni Jianyi, the Lady Koshu will allow us the use of the Seiten scripture when she is ready." Her spine even stiffer, she turned and stalked away, unconsciously swinging her hips and allowing Ukoku an excellent view, if he'd been in the mood to appreciate it. But all he did was turn and stare at the deep dent his fist had made in the four inch thick steel. _What_ was Koumyo _thinking_, that he'd allow himself to be killed by a demon working for Gyokumen Koushu? It wasn't even as if she'd bothered to send the brat prince, Kougaiji, just a bunch of ordinary, pissant demons! And now Koumyo was dead.

Hands shaking, he lit a cigarette, and staggered over to sit in his chair. He stared unseeing at his rumpled bed, picturing instead Koumyo's gentle smile and unfailing grace and wit. A tear startled him by trickling down his cheek, and he scrubbed it away with the back of his hand.

_No matter what happens, we can always forgive each other_. That was what Koumyo had said to him, their last night together. Could he ever be forgiven for not saving Koumyo? Could he ever forgive Koumyo for dying? He tilted his head back and blew a smoke ring at the ceiling. Stupid, beautiful, annoying man. He loved Koumyo, even now, and Koumyo had loved him, but neither was stupid enough to trust the other.

They'd never had enough time for trust. Between them they had held three of the five founding scriptures of heaven and earth. It was dangerous for them just to be in the same place at the same time, considering that the last time the scriptures had be united they'd kick started the world. He looked down at Bunny, seeing only the treasure within the plush, the Muten scripture, the scripture that governed darkness and destruction. Gyokumen Koushu must never know he possessed it, even if it meant sending demons out against the child that now held Koumyo's second scripture. He'd just have to be creative and selective in his obedience to the Lady, to give the boy a fighting chance to grow up and become interesting. He owed that much to Koumyo, at least.

"Ah, Koumyo," he murmured aloud, flicking ash from his cigarette on to the floor. "I will miss you, you stupid bastard." As he took another drag, a voice came to him from the door.

"Lady Koushu has requested your presence in her chambers," Doctor Hwang said in an odd tone. Ni Jianyi swivelled in his chair, raising his eyebrows. His first public summons to the Lady's bed, delivered from the mouth of Doctor Hwang.

"Oh? And so soon after the victory?" He glided to his feet and drifted towards the woman in the lab coat. "I wonder, what ever could she want?" Doctor Hwang gave a sniff and lifted her nose in the air.

"I'm sure I don't know," she snapped as he moved past.

"Yes, you do," Doctor Ni whispered as he passed her. "And I'm sure you'll dream of it tonight." Leaving his stunned, blushing assistant standing in the door way, he made his way to Gyokumen Koushu's private rooms. On his way, he loosened his tie and deliberately slowed his step when he passed the guards that dotted the halls, knowing they'd gossip like old women the moment he was out of earshot. The pair on Lady Koushu's door nodded and opened the massive portal for him.

"Ni," her voice hissed out at him as he stood framed in the doorway, Bunny tucked under one arm, the other lifting to remove the smoke from between his lips. "I'm in the mood to celebrate. Amuse me." Ni Jianyi gave a simpering smile, bowing to hide the bile that rose in his throat. He locked away his memories and his heart and stepped forward.

"I am your Ladyship's most devoted servant," he purred as he entered the room and began to close the door. "I'm sure I can think of something that will entertain Your Highness." Lady Koushu smile turned vicious as the door closed, and the guards heard one last remark from her before the thick wood blocked any further noise from within.

"Yes, I'm sure you will."


End file.
